Teach with the End in Mind

A Sharpened Perspective from a traumatized Brain

2011-06-10T08:22:00.000-07:00

two months ago today many things in my life changed. I am grateful to God that my life was built on a rock, a fortress that NEVER changes--Jesus Christ.
tim and I are so grateful for the support and love of our church family and friends over the last two months. You stood in the gap to pray while I was unconscious and prayed for strength for Tim and our sons. Through God's mercy even with a bleeding anuerysm and two more discovered, I never had a stroke. Thus my recovery at home over the past five weeks has been from brain trauma and difficulties from 3weeks of being immobile in Intensive Care at Wake Forest Baptist Medical Center. 50,000 people die in the US every year from traumatic brain injury so I have a new thankfulness for awakening to each new day.

One of our verses from our church's summer session scriptures this week spoke anew to me. Matthew 6:34. "Therefore do not be anxious for tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of it's own."
We need your prayers for wisdom as we consult with the neurological team at Baptist next week to assess my progress. I appreciate so many simple things that we easily take for granted: a hot shower, walking, driving, eating. There may be things I will never be able to do again-- but the things that really matter, I have not lost. my previous post wondered about this year. God is still on the throne!

A grateful gaylin

Renewed focus

2011-01-01T07:41:00.000-08:00

I have had about as much success making resolutions as I have blogging on a regular basis. So it came to me this year that it may be more advantagous for me to think of the new year in terms of my overall focus. So here we are on the first day of a new year, taking measure of where we stand and I want a renewed focus this year on things that are unseen.

A quote from Al Bryant on those who walk by faith "they think visible things to be of small value, because they pass away like a dream; but on the contrary they account invisible things to be of high value because they will never pass away."

Hebrews 11:1 "Now faith is the assurance (the confirmation, the title-deed) of the things we hope for, being the proof of things we do not see and the conviction of their reality--faith perceiving as real fact what is not revealed to the senses." The Amplified Bible

I keep reading Hebrews 11 to be inspired. Instead I must determine to copy their faith by starting with the truths God has revealed and making them my standard-- not looking at my experience as the standard. I do not know what this year holds. And I will likely have experiences this year which I will be tempted to misread. I must stay focused on what I
cannot see--God's unconditional love for me, His promises, His providence, His grace. That is where I must stand to view my life and my experiences in 2011. God, enhance my spiritual vision this new year!

So I have great anticipation of a new year armed with Hebrews 11 and Colossians 3:1-3
"...keep seeking the things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your mind on the things above, not on things that are on earth. For you have died and your life is hidden with Christ in God."

Learning to RELISH

2010-06-17T12:45:00.000-07:00

I have been practicing the art of RELEASE all this year-- especially with my sons. First Ryan left for the military, and now Kevin is in Africa for the summer. The dictionary makes it sound like a simple thing: release--to set at liberty. It sounds like what I want to do, but my mother's heart resists. It reminds me of the day of Nate's wedding when I said to another parent "it's hard to give up my oldest son." "But you don't have to give him up!" was his response. I knew that this parent didn't understand that to set someone free is to step out of the driver's seat in his life. It is to relinquish the role of molder of his character and FINALLY admit by my actions that he is God's child and no longer "my" child. It was always true; yet I clung to the role of #1 director in the drama of his life. Release for me has been a gradual thing; I must often pry my fingers off the object of my love. I am now learning to be a friend to my sons; one who accepts, celebrates, loves and gives advice only when asked. That's quite a change when you have been in a parent role for 27 years!!!

Now that my children are grown I cannot demand to be the first place they will turn for care when they hurt or advice when they struggle. As they marry, I abdicate that role so they can create a new bond with their spouse. It must be prominent if their marriage is to be healthy. If my sons are to be strong and confident men I must decline to make choices for them. I am no longer to interpret for them what the bible teaches, or what God wants from them. They must learn to hear His voice for themselves. I must move out of the way and release them to discover His wonderful plans for their lives. God's creativity and love cause to pale any plans I may have dreamed for my children or myself!

So, my new word is RELISH--to regard with great pleasure or approval. I am so blessed to have lived long enough to see all my sons develop a personal relationship with Christ whom I also love and serve. I can enjoy and celebrate their lives as believers and find a new freedom in serving Him myself as we all release to Him our expectations of what our lives "should be" and follow His lead into the future He has envisioned for us!

"I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out--plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for." Jeremiah 29:11 The Message

A military Family

2010-02-05T14:07:00.000-08:00

We are now a military family. When I hear the word "troops" now I understand that means someone's son or husband or father. I listen carefully to the news because the world situation now affects my son's life. For the next 6 years he will have to ask permission to come home, or travel far from his assigned base. He will move wherever in the world he is assigned. He has willingly committed himself to serve his country; to provide for my safety and yours. I miss him, but I am proud.

I have a new understanding of mothers across the centuries whose sons have left to serve their country or a cause. It is a mix of sadness and pride.

Every day this week my son Ryan reported for duty in his uniform to an Air Force Commander. He isn't always sure from day to day what will be required of him. He only knows he will do whatever he is asked to do"as a good soldier".

II Timothy 2:3
"Endure hardship with us like a good solider of Christ Jesus."

This verse reminds me of my service too. I willingly follow Christ, not knowing from day to day what will be required of me. I have staked everything on my King, my Commander Jesus Christ. Hardship? Sadness? I accept it all for the joy of knowing HIM!

Measuring the past 10 years

2010-01-16T19:48:00.000-08:00

Ten years ago this weekend I packed up my 3 children and all our worldly goods--and 2 cats--and moved over 200 miles to Thomasville. I left my dream job and some awesome friends for the good of my children; and because God told me to.

Isaiah 30:19b "How gracious he will be when you cry for help! As soon as he hears, he will answer you. Although the Lord gives you the bread of adversity and the water of affliction, your teachers will be hidden no more; with your own eyes you will see them. Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you , saying, "this is the way; walk in it."

For me it was EXACTLY like that. It was scary and overwhelming, but clear that it was God's path for us. Every test of proof I asked for God answered. The new job had to pay our moving expenses. DONE. I had to move before second semester of high school started for Nate. DONE. I had to find a rental house in the school district I wanted for the boys. DONE. The job had to equal my current salary. DONE.

So we moved on a COLD night in January, the holiday weekend. The plan was to follow the movers who left in the afternoon, but who is every really finished moving out on time??? So with a couple of great friends help we were finally ready to leave, but in the dark.

The test of my faith came after 10:00 pm when I heard that awful bump, bump, bump of a flat tire in the middle of nowhere sandhills NCarolina. When AAA travel club informed me by phone that they would NOT come to help me (DON"T ASK ME THIS STORY UNLESS YOU WANT TO HEAR EMOTION!) my faith was in the pits.

That's when the miracle started and God showed me what was in store for our cold little family. Ryan, the 12 year old announced that he could change the tire. He took over, told all of us what to do and he and his brothers changed that tire even with the car packed full of stuff and got us back on the road.

In these 10 years God has turned that sullen pre-teen into a 2nd Lieutennant in the US Air Force. He turned my teenage music groupie into a Worship Leader/Song writer. He turned an angry 8 year old into a young man with Africa on his heart. And proved to this mom over and over in 8 years of single parenting that He would direct my path.

That's alot! No wonder the term decade sounds so impressive! And what God can do with our lives when we follow HIS direction....that is immearsurable.

Dream BIG

2009-09-10T06:28:00.000-07:00

Five years ago I sat down with a financial planner and paid for an analysis of my situation and a plan to make sure my 3 sons could somehow get through college. I was single, making it on a salary from a non-profit (no bonuses, little hope of advancement). On paper the numbers didn't promise much at all, my net worth was near zero.

Then Rick, the planner asked me an amazing question: "What other dreams do you have that we need to put in the plan?" I had been single for 7 years and realized all my dreams had died. It was a sad place to be as a Christian. I was surviving, but definitely not dreaming. I had clung to my faith on a daily basis, but had stopped looking ahead. Dreams? None.

Later as I found time to think I realized I did have a dream: That my family would have an opportunity to leave our country and see what God was doing outside of the US. I thrilled to read about what God was doing in Korea and around the globe. Churches that were on fire for Christ and missionaries that were seeing people of all nations responding to the gospel. It was a BIG dream for me with no financial resources to see it happen. I called Rick and he included it in my overall plan. The plan said that with a specific savings plan I could fund a trip by 2010 (the planning folks didn't know about the current economic downturn!) I never was able to open that specific savings account.

But God owns the cattle on a thousand hills. Later that very year Ryan went to Honduras with our church and heard the people there sing so beautifully to our savior. He came back changed. His joy as he leads worship now is reflective of that experience! Nate has been to Canada and Europe; and this summer Kevin went to Kenya. The poverty Kevin saw there will color all his studies as a Business Major as he begins his college experience.

In five short years my dream has already been realized! It wasn't on the "books" as possible and we didn't all go on the same trip, but God was gracious to hear that dream in a struggling mother's heart and proved to me that He can do anything! Dream big for your children's spiritual lives and ask God if it can be in HIS PLAN!

"These are a few of my favorite (summer) things"

2009-08-16T18:40:00.001-07:00

1. Cantaloupe, peaches and homegrown tomatoes
2. Summer Camp (especially at Fort Caswell)
3. Sitting on a beach in the sun
4. Diving into a pool on a hot day
5. Lying on a float in a lake with nothing to do
6. Reading a great novel
7. Listening to crickets singing outside just before I go to sleep
8. A fruit smoothie for lunch
9. Early morning fog
10. The breeze just before a summer storm

What are your top 10?

The mission field of Public schools

2009-06-20T18:34:00.000-07:00

After 20 years of having a child in North Carolina Public Schools I am finished!!!! My youngest, Kevin, graduated from high school on June 13th. What a great day for him--and me!!!

I have lots of friends who do not choose to send their children to public schools. I am grateful that our country affords us such a choice. As a single mom for 8 of those 20 years public schools was my only option. But looking back I still think it was the right choice for my 3 sons.

The oldest has finished his degree at a state university, and entered college prepared and confident with his public school diploma. He learned the basics of music--his passion-- in middle school and had roles in multiple dramas in high school exploring his love of the arts.

My second son graduates in AUGUST from a different state university. He was a part of the Junior ROTC in high school, which led him to choose a college with ROTC. He learned wonderful leadership skills from admirable military veterans and was positively impacted by them. He will be commissioned into the Air Force as soon as he graduates. He took art in school and found a hidden talent with pen and ink that I hope he will yet find time to explore.

Kevin followed the sports options in school. He sweated in August on a football field and ran the bleachers when he thought he could not. He did it to be on the team. He did it out of respect for the coach. He played basketball for the love of the game and learned from coaches to manage anger with opponents and with himself. He learned that being part of a team means you sometimes sit on the bench!

Public schools allowed them these opportunities.

But more than that all three boys learned that people are vastly different. They learned to work with other children and teens with whom they did not agree. They learned to make new friends and let go of some friends. They learned that every teacher did not find them to be awesome (that's what I had always told them they were!), but that they could still learn from and respect that teacher. They learned that to live in communities you sometimes limit your own freedoms. They learned there are consequences for bucking the system--and times when that is still the right choice!

They learned to converse with people who had totally different family backgrounds and beliefs than our family. They studied evolution and realized that some people actually believe that stuff. They were around students who chose alcohol and sex as entertainment, but they chose not to follow that path. They observed habits and lifestyles that were self destructive and learned to call it what it was.

They learned that home is still the place you will always be welcomed and loved, no matter what kind of day you have had. They also learned the value of a Christian's understanding and compassion when they realized they had a Christian teacher, or school staff person, coach, or a friend. The light of Christ shines brightly in our Christian teachers and in Christian students who meet at the pole, or after school.

Thank you, Chrisitan teachers and students. You make a difference in the mission field that is American public schools! Keep shining!!

Now....four more years with a state university......God, be with us!

Mother's Day

2009-05-06T03:59:00.000-07:00

I remember the drill. Panic over presents. Panic over big meals to celebrate. My mom usually wanted to come and stay with us for an extended weekend and be entertained for Mother's Day. I will admit now that I sometimes dreaded all the extra stress that brought. She was also difficult to buy for, as she bought whatever she wanted for herself. When she came to visit on mother's day she was the queen.

This Mother's Day I would give anything just to hear her voice, see her smile and sing beside her in church on Sunday. I also miss the tradition we had over the last 10 years to plant flowers together on this weekend. So, I'll plant my flowers and picture her in the gardens of heaven, smiling and singing.

This weekend love the mom God gave you.....while you can.

"The heritage of those who fear your name..."

2009-04-23T10:34:00.000-07:00

I am awed at the words that David wrote in Psalm 61 some 3,000 years ago. They are words that echoed the cry of my soul also on some of my life's most difficult days. Word pictures that helped me to hold on to God.

Verses 1-3: Hear my cry, O God; listen to my prayer.
From the ends of the earth I call to you,
(the beach is the end of the earth, right???)
I call as my heart grows faint; lead me to the rock that is higher
than I. For you have been my refuge, a strong tower against the
foe."

Psalm 61:5 "For you have heard my vows, O God; you have
given me the heritage of those who fear your name."
And this cry from verse 5 was also on my lips--a prayer for my children from a broken home to come to God; to devote their lives to Christ; to give their all for the Kingdom of God.

Too many people today think of heritage as wealth or property passed from generation to generation. I know my parents wanted to "leave me something", and they did. They were people of faith and lived out their lives faithful to God till the end. I have the sure faith that they live eternally in heaven. That is the heritage I pass on to my children. I go back to that cry from scripture that my children will hold fast to God's hand when their difficult days come, when they need a strong tower. I believe that their faith can grow deeper and stronger than mine. That God will lead them to places I have not yet seen, and multiply their influence for the building of the kingdom of God. God is allowing me today to see that happening in their young adult lives. It is a gift; an answer to my cries from 10 years ago.

Your children may be young. But it is not to early to pass on to them your stories of faith and your prayers, that they will follow your heritage of honoring Christ whatever comes and that they will choose to invest their all for His Kingdom.

Easter reflection and invitation

2009-04-06T16:34:00.000-07:00

Easter is always a holy day for me. Resurrection is a keystone of my faith. The message of easter is true year-round, but to celebrate Easter is to reflect on how my faith is a story of my relationship with someone who is alive. I don't follow a historical figure--I have a growing spiritual journey with a God who understands what it means to be human, and is alive to walk with me every day I live!!!

Every year at Easter that truth is magnified again for me. And I don't want the resurrection truth to just be a one day event, so I look forward to it --- for weeks! To think about Christ's sufferings for humankind, his betrayal, his love and forgiveness poured out for those who beat and humiliated him causes wonder in my heart. I have heard it every year, yet I hear it as new again.

Easter is about losing life to find life; offering forgiveness for the undeserving; going through death as the doorway to new life. Easter is faith, hope and love. What words do you use to describe what Easter means in your life?

Puzzled? HOPE lives!

2009-03-06T10:26:00.000-08:00

I love puzzles! I like soduku and jigsaws and computer timed puzzles too! Unlike my friend JS I find them relaxing. One reason may be that I remember as a child that our family often pulled them out of the closet during snows or in the summer during afternoon rain storms at the lake. It was something we could do as a family and often we would do the large ones and leave them out for a week or so until we finished. I've had some awesome moments already this month working on puzzles with some of our kids at church! We are using puzzles to talk about HOPE.

Here are some things I have learned about puzzles:
1) sometimes walking away is a good thing. Eye strain and brain strain dictate a break! And so often after walking away you can come back and the very piece you searched in vain for earlier will be the first thing you see upon returning! It is as though your brain actually worked on finding it while you were away!

2)Things can change fast. I have often looked for what I was sure was a dark blue piece to finally try an indigo piece that was an exact fit. When it comes to hues and blends one can't always know how quickly things can lighten (or darken) up!

3) The picture on the box is not always in proportion to the puzzle. "But the building is taller! It's not time for sky yet!" I have often been perplexed when the picture doesn't meet my expectations. It can be a source of anger for me!!! The only solution is to keep working it out!

Puzzles are frequently like my life experiences. I need to walk away from frustrating situations to get perspective. Some good sleep can often helped me see the solution I formerly missed.

Often, just when I think things will never change--light breaks through. God often surprises me with a beautiful color I didn't expect.

And my expectations can keep me from seeing the answers right in front of me. God is not limited by my expectations. My limited vision is in stark contrast to His creativity.

God promises that He is at work around us--we just aren't always in tune with the colors with which He chooses to paint. Or we are looking too hard for what WE expect. I am relearning Romans 8:28 which I summarize in my brain as "We KNOW....God works for the GOOD..."

love gifts

2009-01-31T08:11:00.000-08:00

A mother's journey of 25 years

1st Child--It was 25 years ago today you were "due" to arrive
After 2 "false starts" to the hospital you finally came 10 days later; some of the longest days of my life!
Everything was amazing and documented in your life--there are loads of pictures and notations of every "first" thing you did
We were learning together you and I; my life totally adjusting to your needs
I saw myself as your protector
Adults were your role models; you were always watching and copying me
Through the years your path has expanded with many friends to learn from and travel with

2nd child--Your life was barely announced, then snuffed out
There was silent pain, not well understood but never forgotten

3rd child--Your birth was easy as soft snow fell in the early morning hours
Your brother was fascinated with you and he was the model you followed after
I was a mom of experience now and didn't push you to perform or be perfect
The pictures were fewer, but your birth position was probably easier
You may have been compared to another, but you always proved your uniqueness
With you I was trying to be Supermom--work, home,church, sports, clubs, travel-- always in a rush
You've always dreamed big, but you knew where home was

4th child--Your life here was a slow loss
There was painful knowledge that your future here was questionable
So sure you were my daughter it was a desperately sad time and too often it was an unspoken sadness

5th child--Your arrival was joy! You were the center of all attention
Yet it was you who did the adjusting to life in a busy family
I had the experience to let you be yourself; to struggle, fail and get back up
There were hectic times and yet now I knew how to build in times to relax as well
You always had to share my time and there was guilt for me with that
But you have kept me young, still make me smile and laugh and teach me much
I have let you see more of my limitations

To each of you I had differing gifts to offer. Yet to each of you I gave my best in love.
Yet all I have given is unmatched by the richness your lives have woven into the weaving of my life, and continue to blend into the stories I both share and silently treasure. To be a mom, is a gift of immense joy.

Preschool Training

2009-01-21T12:38:00.000-08:00

Here are the details for January 25th's Preschool Training.
4:30-6:00pm, Lower Level Preschool Area, Multi-Purpose Building
(Training is for current teachers and hopefully a whole bunch of new ones, especially parents who are currently not serving in any other area of ministry on Sunday AM's.)
Email Gaylin at gaylinstewart@northstate.net
or Bob James at bjames@northstate.net

Christmas Eve with the family

2009-01-01T15:46:00.000-08:00

A New Year, not a totally clean slate

2009-01-01T15:20:00.000-08:00

Reflecting on 2008 I see many blessings and opportunities I had to grow spiritually. Some lessons I have had to relearn, recycle, review; God takes me through remediation with Him often. There are spiritual truths that I can quickly state--but struggle to live out. This year gives me a new year to live out my faith--but it's never a clean slate; there's too much I have already learned!

I want to brag on my hubby Tim, because one of the great reminders about my priorities came through my husband's unselfish action at Christmas. He asked everyone in our family to invest the money that would usually buy him a gift into helping someone else or donating to a worthy cause. Because of that here's how the world is a better place: donations were given to a ministry to the homeless in Charlotte, NC; money was given to TOMS SHOES helping provide shoes to people in third world countries; a gift given to support the International Justice Mission that rescues victims of violent opression around the world; a gift to aid in the providing of fresh water in Africa; and two gifts to ministry in Kenya. One person's unselfish act can make a difference! This year I want to be that kind of unselfish person! THANKS TS

All I really want for Christmas is....

2008-12-23T06:17:00.000-08:00

A teenager (TJ) asked me Sunday what I wanted for Christmas. I sounded like my grandma when I said "I just want all my children back at home for the holiday." But that is truly my wish for Christmas--and I will have it for Christmas eve!! Upon further reflection I also REALLY want a fireplace and a true wood fire to curl up beside late on Christmas day. That one will have to wait!!! Christmas is truly about those we love...but a gal can dream!!!! Love to you all! Merry Christmas!

Some scripture to help refocus

2008-12-11T07:21:00.000-08:00

A friend just sent me an email with a incredible reminder for Christians to connect 1 Corinthians 13 to our preparations for Christmas. I confess that I get so caught up in my lists and my calendar commitments and schedules. I am grateful today for this reminder not to overlook the people right in front of me while I try to create a Christmas ideal in my head. Please take a minute to check this out: http://www.girlfriendsingod.com/Default.aspx?tabid=97

Here's how to know what you don't know

2008-12-03T08:23:00.000-08:00

I just found a Christmas Quiz online. Take a minute and try it. http://quiz.christiansunite.com/Jesus_of_Nazareth/Jesus'_Birth.shtml

Yes we hear the story every year. But do we really hear it, or just bypass the brain. I did good on this quiz, but I stumbled on the Prophecies of the Messiah. And don't I hear them every year? I am sharing them with our children tonight, so I am doing my homework!!
I need to listen and read more this Christmas!!! It is good news again this year!

I am blessed

2008-11-27T14:33:00.000-08:00

I love this old Proverb:
"Count your blessings, not your crosses,
Count your gains, not your losses.
Count your joys instead of your woes,
Count your friends instead of your foes.
Count your health, not your wealth."

"Thank you" alone is the sincere prayer of my heart today.

Roots and Wings (from our Parent Gathering)

2008-11-17T05:56:00.000-08:00

The tap root is of course unconditional love. It is in the unguarded moments when a child sees that they are loved by parents. When their mistakes and childish immaturity are accepted; when they get the message that their parents wouldn't "trade" them for any other child. A child is secure knowing their parent will not abandon them. Unconditional love leads to a strong self-image, which leads to confident kids. In the 7-11 age span there is nothing more important.

The Christian parents I know and observe seem to have more struggles with the Wings component of parenting. Wings is my term for the "letting go" element that is crucial to strong, independent children. To raise a follower of Christ means that we as Christian parents free our child to follow Christ wherever HE leads. That may mean they someday choose to serve or live in places that you may not see as safe or even reasonable. They may make financial decisions or educational choices that you do not agree with. They need to have the assurance that as adults their task is to please HIM, not you.

I am heavy in this final letting go stage of parenting, and it is not easy. First I can assure you that this day will come and second I want to encourage you to begin preparing for it in little steps. Your preteens and teenage children will push for freedoms. Find areas where you can give them this opportunity to practice making decisions. While they are still at home, you can pick them up when they fall. Every child needs to experience failure while you can walk them through what to do when failures come!!!

Some parents are too protective, no doubt because they interpret it as love. Children don't interpret it as love. Nor do they build confidence in making choices.

I know letting go is biblical. I have read and re-read the story of Jochebed putting her infant son Moses into the Nile River and giving up his future TOTALLY to God. What faith!!! Read it again in Exodus 2:1-10.

Hannah finally received a child she had prayed for, but fulfilled her promise to dedicate him to the Lord and in I Samuel 1:25-27 she took him to live in the tabernacle and serve there. She only saw him once a year after that.

The prodigal's father is the very picture of God, our heavenly father, letting his son go and live in horrible conditions for an extended time and leaving him there to learn his lessons. There is no record that he insisted he come back home; nor did he bail his son out. He waited; he prayed; and when the day came he welcomed him home (Luke 15: 11-24).

And there was Mary, who let Jesus go all the way to the cross....

I am not suggesting we give up our infants and preschoolers. But I am suggesting that we allow our growing children the freedom to make choices, while we can guide them. Legally in the USA when your child is 18 they may leave your guidance behind forever. Train and prepare both your child and yourself for that day, and they may still ask your advice after that birthday!

I submit that we must let go if our children are to follow the Savior.

A simple acrostic

2008-11-03T12:59:00.000-08:00

I don't know who to credit with this helpful tool, but I first heard it about 10 years ago and have used it MANY times in trying to determine what might be happening inside the head of one of my children.

When asking yourself "where did that come from?" or "what brought on that meltdown?" try using this simple acrostic:
HALT

Hungry
Angry
Lonely
Tired

Think about it. Sometimes we all overreact, and most times there is something behind it. It may be a physical need--Hungry or Tired that pushes us past our normal boundaries.

There are also emotional needs that go unrecognized and unaddressed--lonely or angry.

My sons often struggled to describe the kind of pain they had when they would say "I don't feel good. I think I'm sick." I would have to ask diagnostic questions: "Does your head hurt? Or is it your stomach?" "Is it a sharp pain, or does it hurt all the time?"

In the same way when I got an unexpected response to a seemingly simple turn of events, I learned to use this acrostic to help me diagnose whether it came from a physical or emotional issue.

This weekend I realized how well it worked. My 17-year-old Kevin came in the kitchen while I was having a meltdown. He put a hand on my shoulder and said, "Mom, I think you need to eat something. You know you get like this when you are hungry!"

WOW! We parents can see our parenting coming back at us some days!
He was right, after all.

We all need to slow down and evaluate our over the top responses.

On this Monday it is easy. My letter is T.

Parent Gathering Preview

2008-10-13T08:58:00.000-07:00

Click for a preview to our parent gathering topic. Our parent gathering will be on November 9th at 4:30 p.m. in the Fellowship Hall.

http://www.rfsm.com/family/parent_link_live.mp3

Building Character

2008-10-12T18:31:00.000-07:00

A nugget from my journal February 1994

"This week I heard Chuck Swindoll's radio sermon and he challenged me that a parent's greatest goal for their child should be "greatness of character." I cried. I just spent lots of time and money getting the perfect birthday gifts for Nathan and Ryan and scheduling appointments for Kevin's portrait and cannot think of anything intentional I focused on about building character in them. Oh, God, may it not be too late to start teaching that course to them. I would like to use books, situations, stories and I am sure you want to use my example. Refine my character. Give me wisdom to make this more my focus in this new year. Gaylin"

At this point in my life I was working full-time, serving as a pastor's wife and the boys were 10, 7, and 3. Building character was happening everyday--not just in them, but also in me. Here is another quote I found scribbled on a prayer list:
"Circumstances may prevent you from building a fortune. But they have no power to prevent you from building character."

May we be witnesses to this fact by not letting the bad news all around us determine our joy, nor deter us from what is most important--pointing our children to a God who is bigger than any challenge we face in our economic climate; who knows our strengths and weaknesses; and who will continue to strengthen our character for whatever waits for us up ahead.

I need to make the wise choice

2008-09-26T07:30:00.000-07:00

We say this every Sunday to our school aged children at church, "I need to make the wise choice." They don't know it yet, but we adults benefit by saying it too! I need to make the wise choice at a fast food resturant. I need to make the wise choice as I drive my SUV. We don't always know which choices are life changing and which are just everyday choices. Here's an example.

Two years ago this week I had to decide how to spend my Saturday. You know the drill; there are always multiple things to eat up a Saturday!!! My mom had been in and out of the hospital since June and was still receiving care in a medical unit attached to the Retirement Community where her apartment was. She asked me to come EVERY SATURDAY, but we were going on four months now and I had to decide whether or not to drive the 2 1/2 hours to visit her for 2 or 3 hours and then drive back home; it would take my whole day.

I made the trip alone and it was a BEAUTIFUL day! She was excited to see me and shared a special request--for a hamburger from Wendy's. Now my mom loves Wendy's (and if you saw her food tray in the medical unit you would know why it would be such a treat!) So we giggled and hatched a plan for her to leave the facility and ride to Wendy's drive through with me. One kind nurse said she would look the other way when we left on our "picnic" and I promised mom would NOT get out of the car.

Such a simple thing. We ate our burgers near the courthouse with the windows of the car rolled down to enjoy the day. She thanked me numerous times. We got back and I pushed her around in the wheelchair to visit the apartment and take care of mail, etc. It was a typical visit in so many ways. We didn't know it was our last visit together on this earth. I said goodbye like I always did and drove home.

Early Monday morning my mom had a massive stroke and never spoke again. I sat by her bed Monday and Tuesday my brother flew in from Kentucky. We were on either side of her on Friday afternoon when she left her earthly body and stepped into eternity. She was not afraid to die and ready to meet Jesus. I still struggled to let her go that day.

For the rest of my life I will be glad that I chose to give her my Saturday. That day, I made the wise choice.

Life-giving words

2008-09-16T08:09:00.000-07:00

Who doesn't respond to a sincere affirmation? I do! Today someone said "I'm so proud of you!" Yesterday someone said, "I count you as one of my dearest friends." I feel like I can take on the world now! We all need those words. We can shrink without them--in our own eyes at least.

Here are 10 ways to Build Up A Child from Jody Capehart in her book Touching Hearts Changing Lives

The question for you is :can I challenge myself to affirm my child 5 times a day? 10 times? Do I need to start with 3 sincere times?

1. Express sincere gratitude: "Thank you for helping me!"
2. Encourage the child to share a skill: "Who else could you show how to do that?"
3. Empathize: "I bet it felt great to finish that project!"
4. Identify consequences: "You really helped Mrs. Gardner when you collected the left-over bulletins."
5. Appreciate uniqueness: "I never would have thought about it that way."
6. Applaud effort: "I can see a lot of work went into this project."
7. Emphasize growth: "You are making enormous improvements each week."
8. Encourage elaboration: "Tell me more about what happened."
9. Acknowledge good choices: "I know that was a hard decision."
10. Apply scriptural truths: "You were acting in exactly the way Jesus described when he said, 'Do to others as you want them to do to you'"

I recommit to life-giving words for people God puts in my life!

Is Blogging for ME?

2008-09-05T09:42:00.000-07:00

I have been a journaler for many years. YES, it helps me to write out my thoughts, to sift through the first feelings and get down to where I can hear God's still small voice AFTER the storm of emotions subsides. But my journals are private. They chronicle the lessons God has taught me through the years about parenting, growing as a Christian, hard lessons about dependence and independence, grieving, the joys and struggles of marriage, big lessons about simple things.

I put myself OUT THERE for only one reason. I want to encourage parents. I want to see Christian families grow stronger and raise children who will be a generation of BOLD witnesses to the power of God. I want single parents to hang on another day and believe that God is bigger than their biggest problem. I want to encourage spouses not to give up on fractured relationships....yet. I want to shout out that our God does heal, does strengthen, and does have a plan...bigger and better than anything our small minds can imagine.

We can train our minds to think past the immediate, to look down the road, to believe that this moment will pass and our futures will open up to God's vast possibilities. With ourselves and with our children we must think and teach with the end in mind.

I will blog and together we will HOPE, beacuse God is out there....ahead.