Learning to RELISH

I have been practicing the art of RELEASE all this year-- especially with my sons. First Ryan left for the military, and now Kevin is in Africa for the summer.  The dictionary makes it sound like a simple thing: release--to set at liberty.  It sounds like what I want to do, but my mother's heart resists.  It reminds me of the day of Nate's wedding when I said to another  parent  "it's hard to give up my oldest son."  "But you don't have to give him up!" was his response.   I knew that this parent didn't understand that to set someone free is to step out of the driver's seat in his life.  It is to relinquish the role of molder of his character and FINALLY admit by my actions that he is God's child and no longer "my" child.  It was always true; yet I clung to the role of #1 director in the drama of his life.  Release for me has been a gradual thing; I must often pry my fingers off the object of my love. I am now learning to be a friend to my sons; one who accepts, celebrates, loves and gives advice only when asked.  That's quite a change when you have been in a parent role for 27 years!!!

Now that my children are grown I cannot demand to be the first place they will turn for care when they hurt or advice when they struggle.  As they marry, I abdicate that role so they can create a new bond with their spouse.  It must be prominent if their marriage is to be healthy. If my sons are to be strong and confident men I must decline to make choices for them. I am no longer to interpret for them what the bible teaches, or what God wants from them.  They must learn to hear His voice for themselves.  I must move out of the way and release them to discover His wonderful plans for their lives.  God's creativity and love cause to pale any plans I may have dreamed for my children or myself!

So, my new word is RELISH--to regard with great pleasure or approval.  I am so blessed to have lived long enough to see all my sons develop a personal relationship with Christ whom I also love and serve. I can enjoy and celebrate their lives as believers and find a new freedom in serving Him myself as we all release to Him our expectations of what our lives "should be" and follow His lead into the future He has envisioned for us!

"I know what I'm doing.  I have it all planned out--plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for." Jeremiah 29:11  The Message

A military Family

We are now a military family.  When I hear the word "troops" now I understand that means someone's son or husband or father.  I listen carefully to the news because the world situation now affects my son's life.  For the next 6 years he will have to ask permission to come home, or travel far from his assigned base. He will move wherever in the world he is assigned.   He has willingly committed himself to serve his country; to provide for my safety and yours.  I miss him, but I am proud.

I have a new understanding of mothers across the centuries whose sons have left to serve their country or a cause.  It is a mix of sadness and pride.

Every day this week my son Ryan reported for duty in his uniform to an Air Force Commander.  He isn't always sure from day to day what will be required of him.  He only knows he will do whatever he is asked to do"as a good soldier".

II Timothy 2:3
"Endure hardship with us like a good solider of Christ Jesus."

This verse reminds me of my service too.  I willingly follow Christ, not knowing from day to day what will be required of me.  I have staked everything on my King, my Commander Jesus Christ.  Hardship? Sadness?  I accept it all for the joy of  knowing HIM!

Measuring the past 10 years

Ten years ago this weekend I packed up my 3 children and all our worldly goods--and 2 cats--and moved over 200 miles to Thomasville.  I left my dream job and some awesome friends for the good of my children; and because God told me to.

Isaiah 30:19b "How gracious he will be when you cry for help! As soon as he hears, he will answer you.  Although the Lord gives you the bread of adversity and the water of affliction, your teachers will be hidden no more; with your own eyes you will see them.  Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you , saying, "this is the way; walk in it."

For me it was EXACTLY like that.  It was scary and overwhelming, but clear that it was God's path for us.  Every test of proof I asked for God answered.  The new job had to pay our moving expenses.  DONE.  I had to move before second semester of high school started for Nate.  DONE.  I had to find a rental house in the school district I wanted for the boys.  DONE.  The job had to equal my current salary.  DONE.

So we moved on a COLD night in January, the holiday weekend. The plan was to follow the movers who left in the afternoon, but who is every really finished moving out on time???  So with a couple of great friends help we were finally ready to leave, but in the dark. 

The test of my faith came after 10:00 pm when I heard that awful bump, bump, bump of a flat tire in the middle of nowhere sandhills NCarolina.  When AAA travel club informed me by phone that they would NOT come to help me (DON"T ASK ME THIS STORY UNLESS YOU WANT TO HEAR EMOTION!) my faith was in the pits.

That's when the miracle started and God showed me what was in store for our cold little family.  Ryan, the 12 year old announced that he could change the tire.  He took over, told all of us what to do and he and his brothers changed that tire even with the car packed full of stuff and got us back on the road.

In these 10 years God has turned that sullen pre-teen into a 2nd Lieutennant in the US Air Force.  He turned my teenage music groupie into a Worship Leader/Song writer.  He turned an angry 8 year old into a young man with Africa on his heart.  And proved to this mom over and over in 8 years of single parenting that He would direct my path.

That's alot!  No wonder the term decade sounds so impressive!  And what God can do with our lives when we follow HIS direction....that is immearsurable.

Dream BIG

Five years ago I sat down with a financial planner and paid for an analysis of my situation and a plan to make sure my 3 sons could somehow get through college. I was single, making it on a salary from a non-profit (no bonuses, little hope of advancement). On paper the numbers didn't promise much at all, my net worth was near zero.

Then Rick, the planner asked me an amazing question: "What other dreams do you have that we need to put in the plan?" I had been single for 7 years and realized all my dreams had died. It was a sad place to be as a Christian. I was surviving, but definitely not dreaming. I had clung to my faith on a daily basis, but had stopped looking ahead. Dreams? None.

Later as I found time to think I realized I did have a dream: That my family would have an opportunity to leave our country and see what God was doing outside of the US. I thrilled to read about what God was doing in Korea and around the globe. Churches that were on fire for Christ and missionaries that were seeing people of all nations responding to the gospel. It was a BIG dream for me with no financial resources to see it happen. I called Rick and he included it in my overall plan. The plan said that with a specific savings plan I could fund a trip by 2010 (the planning folks didn't know about the current economic downturn!) I never was able to open that specific savings account.

But God owns the cattle on a thousand hills. Later that very year Ryan went to Honduras with our church and heard the people there sing so beautifully to our savior. He came back changed. His joy as he leads worship now is reflective of that experience! Nate has been to Canada and Europe; and this summer Kevin went to Kenya. The poverty Kevin saw there will color all his studies as a Business Major as he begins his college experience.

In five short years my dream has already been realized! It wasn't on the "books" as possible and we didn't all go on the same trip, but God was gracious to hear that dream in a struggling mother's heart and proved to me that He can do anything! Dream big for your children's spiritual lives and ask God if it can be in HIS PLAN!

"These are a few of my favorite (summer) things"

1. Cantaloupe, peaches and homegrown tomatoes
2. Summer Camp (especially at Fort Caswell)
3. Sitting on a beach in the sun
4. Diving into a pool on a hot day
5. Lying on a float in a lake with nothing to do
6. Reading a great novel
7. Listening to crickets singing outside just before I go to sleep
8. A fruit smoothie for lunch
9. Early morning fog
10. The breeze just before a summer storm

What are your top 10?

The mission field of Public schools

After 20 years of having a child in North Carolina Public Schools I am finished!!!! My youngest, Kevin, graduated from high school on June 13th. What a great day for him--and me!!!

I have lots of friends who do not choose to send their children to public schools. I am grateful that our country affords us such a choice. As a single mom for 8 of those 20 years public schools was my only option. But looking back I still think it was the right choice for my 3 sons.

The oldest has finished his degree at a state university, and entered college prepared and confident with his public school diploma. He learned the basics of music--his passion-- in middle school and had roles in multiple dramas in high school exploring his love of the arts.

My second son graduates in AUGUST from a different state university. He was a part of the Junior ROTC in high school, which led him to choose a college with ROTC. He learned wonderful leadership skills from admirable military veterans and was positively impacted by them. He will be commissioned into the Air Force as soon as he graduates. He took art in school and found a hidden talent with pen and ink that I hope he will yet find time to explore.

Kevin followed the sports options in school. He sweated in August on a football field and ran the bleachers when he thought he could not. He did it to be on the team. He did it out of respect for the coach. He played basketball for the love of the game and learned from coaches to manage anger with opponents and with himself. He learned that being part of a team means you sometimes sit on the bench!

Public schools allowed them these opportunities.

But more than that all three boys learned that people are vastly different. They learned to work with other children and teens with whom they did not agree. They learned to make new friends and let go of some friends. They learned that every teacher did not find them to be awesome (that's what I had always told them they were!), but that they could still learn from and respect that teacher. They learned that to live in communities you sometimes limit your own freedoms. They learned there are consequences for bucking the system--and times when that is still the right choice!

They learned to converse with people who had totally different family backgrounds and beliefs than our family. They studied evolution and realized that some people actually believe that stuff. They were around students who chose alcohol and sex as entertainment, but they chose not to follow that path. They observed habits and lifestyles that were self destructive and learned to call it what it was.

They learned that home is still the place you will always be welcomed and loved, no matter what kind of day you have had. They also learned the value of a Christian's understanding and compassion when they realized they had a Christian teacher, or school staff person, coach, or a friend. The light of Christ shines brightly in our Christian teachers and in Christian students who meet at the pole, or after school.

Thank you, Chrisitan teachers and students. You make a difference in the mission field that is American public schools! Keep shining!!

Now....four more years with a state university......God, be with us!

Mother's Day

I remember the drill. Panic over presents. Panic over big meals to celebrate. My mom usually wanted to come and stay with us for an extended weekend and be entertained for Mother's Day. I will admit now that I sometimes dreaded all the extra stress that brought. She was also difficult to buy for, as she bought whatever she wanted for herself. When she came to visit on mother's day she was the queen.

This Mother's Day I would give anything just to hear her voice, see her smile and sing beside her in church on Sunday. I also miss the tradition we had over the last 10 years to plant flowers together on this weekend. So, I'll plant my flowers and picture her in the gardens of heaven, smiling and singing.

This weekend love the mom God gave you.....while you can.