Saturday, August 17, 2013

Crying at the sight of a Uhaul full of dreams

It has been almost three months since the Uhaul pulled out of my driveway.  I managed to keep my smile until I could no longer see the car and trailer.  I had forced a smile and promised myself "no tears" on this exciting day--my youngest heading out on a great adventure.  But sobs racked my body as I stumbled up the stairs and fell into the recliner where I call on my Father every morning.

"How will my heart handle TWO of my sons being 5 states away?" I cried out.  Only the cats were here to hear me, but I mumbled out my questions anyway. "I don't want an empty nest!"  The quiet house just confirmed my despair.

But then, despite my sobbing, a still, small voice...."What did you ask me for when they were young and rowdy?" That they would be friends, my spirit answered.  "And what is the image now being played out in your head?"  Two brothers packed up to live together as young adult bachelors!  You did answer me!  "And what other requests did you make for them?"  My sobs were being quieted now.  That they would be independent young adults who knew and trusted you.  "Have I answered your prayers?"  Yes Lord. And in my rational brain I was excited for him to have a great adventure far from home, just like my parents had allowed for me as a young adult.  I knew in my head it was what I wanted for him.  But, oh my heart was aching.

And then He ended my pity party abrubtly. "Don't you have Kingdom work to do?  Get up and get busy."  And it has been a busy three months!  Sometimes the house is still MUCH too quiet.  And I look forward to their long phone calls full of the latest exploits.  But my task now is to be a prayer warrior for them each day.  And it is a good task.  My role has changed, but it is vital.  I remember one of the losses I felt so deeply at my mother's death was knowing that my greatest intercessor was now gone.

That little Uhaul trailer carried their dreams into the southwest and was the symbol of my final child successfully launched.  But I have a new role to adjust to now and it is precious as well. Grandmother......


Sylvia Neusch said...

Boy Gaylin, oh how I relate to this! No one ever prepared me for how much my heart would ache when the kids left the nest for good. I love my life, but so miss my daily connection with them. Thanks for sharing your heart......helps me know I'm not alone in this!

Laurie Edwards said...

I had to read this now, didn't I? Now I'm sobbing for both of us and I'm not even an empty nester yet. Come Friday, I'll be down 2 out of 3 and it's killing me! Your precious words are very true...but could I please join you for a brief pity party sometime? You have my number! I love you, sister!!!