Roots and Wings (from our Parent Gathering)

The tap root is of course unconditional love. It is in the unguarded moments when a child sees that they are loved by parents. When their mistakes and childish immaturity are accepted; when they get the message that their parents wouldn't "trade" them for any other child. A child is secure knowing their parent will not abandon them. Unconditional love leads to a strong self-image, which leads to confident kids. In the 7-11 age span there is nothing more important.

The Christian parents I know and observe seem to have more struggles with the Wings component of parenting. Wings is my term for the "letting go" element that is crucial to strong, independent children. To raise a follower of Christ means that we as Christian parents free our child to follow Christ wherever HE leads. That may mean they someday choose to serve or live in places that you may not see as safe or even reasonable. They may make financial decisions or educational choices that you do not agree with. They need to have the assurance that as adults their task is to please HIM, not you.

I am heavy in this final letting go stage of parenting, and it is not easy. First I can assure you that this day will come and second I want to encourage you to begin preparing for it in little steps. Your preteens and teenage children will push for freedoms. Find areas where you can give them this opportunity to practice making decisions. While they are still at home, you can pick them up when they fall. Every child needs to experience failure while you can walk them through what to do when failures come!!!

Some parents are too protective, no doubt because they interpret it as love. Children don't interpret it as love. Nor do they build confidence in making choices.

I know letting go is biblical. I have read and re-read the story of Jochebed putting her infant son Moses into the Nile River and giving up his future TOTALLY to God. What faith!!! Read it again in Exodus 2:1-10.

Hannah finally received a child she had prayed for, but fulfilled her promise to dedicate him to the Lord and in I Samuel 1:25-27 she took him to live in the tabernacle and serve there. She only saw him once a year after that.

The prodigal's father is the very picture of God, our heavenly father, letting his son go and live in horrible conditions for an extended time and leaving him there to learn his lessons. There is no record that he insisted he come back home; nor did he bail his son out. He waited; he prayed; and when the day came he welcomed him home (Luke 15: 11-24).

And there was Mary, who let Jesus go all the way to the cross....

I am not suggesting we give up our infants and preschoolers. But I am suggesting that we allow our growing children the freedom to make choices, while we can guide them. Legally in the USA when your child is 18 they may leave your guidance behind forever. Train and prepare both your child and yourself for that day, and they may still ask your advice after that birthday!

I submit that we must let go if our children are to follow the Savior.