I don't know who to credit with this helpful tool, but I first heard it about 10 years ago and have used it MANY times in trying to determine what might be happening inside the head of one of my children.
When asking yourself "where did that come from?" or "what brought on that meltdown?" try using this simple acrostic:
HALT
Hungry
Angry
Lonely
Tired
Think about it. Sometimes we all overreact, and most times there is something behind it. It may be a physical need--Hungry or Tired that pushes us past our normal boundaries.
There are also emotional needs that go unrecognized and unaddressed--lonely or angry.
My sons often struggled to describe the kind of pain they had when they would say "I don't feel good. I think I'm sick." I would have to ask diagnostic questions: "Does your head hurt? Or is it your stomach?" "Is it a sharp pain, or does it hurt all the time?"
In the same way when I got an unexpected response to a seemingly simple turn of events, I learned to use this acrostic to help me diagnose whether it came from a physical or emotional issue.
This weekend I realized how well it worked. My 17-year-old Kevin came in the kitchen while I was having a meltdown. He put a hand on my shoulder and said, "Mom, I think you need to eat something. You know you get like this when you are hungry!"
WOW! We parents can see our parenting coming back at us some days!
He was right, after all.
We all need to slow down and evaluate our over the top responses.
On this Monday it is easy. My letter is T.
1 comment:
You had every reason to be tired this past Monday. You and mattie B worked your tails off. (along with the entire production crew) I love that kind of tired though, the tired at the end of a project that I knew I did my best.
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