love gifts

A mother's journey of 25 years

1st Child--It was 25 years ago today you were "due" to arrive
After 2 "false starts" to the hospital you finally came 10 days later; some of the longest days of my life!
Everything was amazing and documented in your life--there are loads of pictures and notations of every "first" thing you did
We were learning together you and I; my life totally adjusting to your needs
I saw myself as your protector
Adults were your role models; you were always watching and copying me
Through the years your path has expanded with many friends to learn from and travel with

2nd child--Your life was barely announced, then snuffed out
There was silent pain, not well understood but never forgotten

3rd child--Your birth was easy as soft snow fell in the early morning hours
Your brother was fascinated with you and he was the model you followed after
I was a mom of experience now and didn't push you to perform or be perfect
The pictures were fewer, but your birth position was probably easier
You may have been compared to another, but you always proved your uniqueness
With you I was trying to be Supermom--work, home,church, sports, clubs, travel-- always in a rush
You've always dreamed big, but you knew where home was

4th child--Your life here was a slow loss
There was painful knowledge that your future here was questionable
So sure you were my daughter it was a desperately sad time and too often it was an unspoken sadness

5th child--Your arrival was joy! You were the center of all attention
Yet it was you who did the adjusting to life in a busy family
I had the experience to let you be yourself; to struggle, fail and get back up
There were hectic times and yet now I knew how to build in times to relax as well
You always had to share my time and there was guilt for me with that
But you have kept me young, still make me smile and laugh and teach me much
I have let you see more of my limitations

To each of you I had differing gifts to offer. Yet to each of you I gave my best in love.
Yet all I have given is unmatched by the richness your lives have woven into the weaving of my life, and continue to blend into the stories I both share and silently treasure. To be a mom, is a gift of immense joy.