All I really want for Christmas is....

A teenager (TJ) asked me Sunday what I wanted for Christmas. I sounded like my grandma when I said "I just want all my children back at home for the holiday." But that is truly my wish for Christmas--and I will have it for Christmas eve!! Upon further reflection I also REALLY want a fireplace and a true wood fire to curl up beside late on Christmas day. That one will have to wait!!! Christmas is truly about those we love...but a gal can dream!!!! Love to you all! Merry Christmas!

Some scripture to help refocus

A friend just sent me an email with a incredible reminder for Christians to connect 1 Corinthians 13 to our preparations for Christmas. I confess that I get so caught up in my lists and my calendar commitments and schedules. I am grateful today for this reminder not to overlook the people right in front of me while I try to create a Christmas ideal in my head. Please take a minute to check this out: http://www.girlfriendsingod.com/Default.aspx?tabid=97

Here's how to know what you don't know

I just found a Christmas Quiz online. Take a minute and try it. http://quiz.christiansunite.com/Jesus_of_Nazareth/Jesus'_Birth.shtml

Yes we hear the story every year. But do we really hear it, or just bypass the brain. I did good on this quiz, but I stumbled on the Prophecies of the Messiah. And don't I hear them every year? I am sharing them with our children tonight, so I am doing my homework!!
I need to listen and read more this Christmas!!! It is good news again this year!

I am blessed

I love this old Proverb:
"Count your blessings, not your crosses,
Count your gains, not your losses.
Count your joys instead of your woes,
Count your friends instead of your foes.
Count your health, not your wealth."

"Thank you" alone is the sincere prayer of my heart today.

Roots and Wings (from our Parent Gathering)

The tap root is of course unconditional love. It is in the unguarded moments when a child sees that they are loved by parents. When their mistakes and childish immaturity are accepted; when they get the message that their parents wouldn't "trade" them for any other child. A child is secure knowing their parent will not abandon them. Unconditional love leads to a strong self-image, which leads to confident kids. In the 7-11 age span there is nothing more important.

The Christian parents I know and observe seem to have more struggles with the Wings component of parenting. Wings is my term for the "letting go" element that is crucial to strong, independent children. To raise a follower of Christ means that we as Christian parents free our child to follow Christ wherever HE leads. That may mean they someday choose to serve or live in places that you may not see as safe or even reasonable. They may make financial decisions or educational choices that you do not agree with. They need to have the assurance that as adults their task is to please HIM, not you.

I am heavy in this final letting go stage of parenting, and it is not easy. First I can assure you that this day will come and second I want to encourage you to begin preparing for it in little steps. Your preteens and teenage children will push for freedoms. Find areas where you can give them this opportunity to practice making decisions. While they are still at home, you can pick them up when they fall. Every child needs to experience failure while you can walk them through what to do when failures come!!!

Some parents are too protective, no doubt because they interpret it as love. Children don't interpret it as love. Nor do they build confidence in making choices.

I know letting go is biblical. I have read and re-read the story of Jochebed putting her infant son Moses into the Nile River and giving up his future TOTALLY to God. What faith!!! Read it again in Exodus 2:1-10.

Hannah finally received a child she had prayed for, but fulfilled her promise to dedicate him to the Lord and in I Samuel 1:25-27 she took him to live in the tabernacle and serve there. She only saw him once a year after that.

The prodigal's father is the very picture of God, our heavenly father, letting his son go and live in horrible conditions for an extended time and leaving him there to learn his lessons. There is no record that he insisted he come back home; nor did he bail his son out. He waited; he prayed; and when the day came he welcomed him home (Luke 15: 11-24).

And there was Mary, who let Jesus go all the way to the cross....

I am not suggesting we give up our infants and preschoolers. But I am suggesting that we allow our growing children the freedom to make choices, while we can guide them. Legally in the USA when your child is 18 they may leave your guidance behind forever. Train and prepare both your child and yourself for that day, and they may still ask your advice after that birthday!

I submit that we must let go if our children are to follow the Savior.

A simple acrostic

I don't know who to credit with this helpful tool, but I first heard it about 10 years ago and have used it MANY times in trying to determine what might be happening inside the head of one of my children.

When asking yourself "where did that come from?" or "what brought on that meltdown?" try using this simple acrostic:
HALT

Hungry
Angry
Lonely
Tired

Think about it. Sometimes we all overreact, and most times there is something behind it. It may be a physical need--Hungry or Tired that pushes us past our normal boundaries.

There are also emotional needs that go unrecognized and unaddressed--lonely or angry.

My sons often struggled to describe the kind of pain they had when they would say "I don't feel good. I think I'm sick." I would have to ask diagnostic questions: "Does your head hurt? Or is it your stomach?" "Is it a sharp pain, or does it hurt all the time?"

In the same way when I got an unexpected response to a seemingly simple turn of events, I learned to use this acrostic to help me diagnose whether it came from a physical or emotional issue.

This weekend I realized how well it worked. My 17-year-old Kevin came in the kitchen while I was having a meltdown. He put a hand on my shoulder and said, "Mom, I think you need to eat something. You know you get like this when you are hungry!"

WOW! We parents can see our parenting coming back at us some days!
He was right, after all.

We all need to slow down and evaluate our over the top responses.

On this Monday it is easy. My letter is T.

Parent Gathering Preview

Click for a preview to our parent gathering topic. Our parent gathering will be on November 9th at 4:30 p.m. in the Fellowship Hall.

http://www.rfsm.com/family/parent_link_live.mp3

Building Character

A nugget from my journal February 1994

"This week I heard Chuck Swindoll's radio sermon and he challenged me that a parent's greatest goal for their child should be "greatness of character." I cried. I just spent lots of time and money getting the perfect birthday gifts for Nathan and Ryan and scheduling appointments for Kevin's portrait and cannot think of anything intentional I focused on about building character in them. Oh, God, may it not be too late to start teaching that course to them. I would like to use books, situations, stories and I am sure you want to use my example. Refine my character. Give me wisdom to make this more my focus in this new year. Gaylin"

At this point in my life I was working full-time, serving as a pastor's wife and the boys were 10, 7, and 3. Building character was happening everyday--not just in them, but also in me. Here is another quote I found scribbled on a prayer list:
"Circumstances may prevent you from building a fortune. But they have no power to prevent you from building character."

May we be witnesses to this fact by not letting the bad news all around us determine our joy, nor deter us from what is most important--pointing our children to a God who is bigger than any challenge we face in our economic climate; who knows our strengths and weaknesses; and who will continue to strengthen our character for whatever waits for us up ahead.

I need to make the wise choice

We say this every Sunday to our school aged children at church, "I need to make the wise choice." They don't know it yet, but we adults benefit by saying it too! I need to make the wise choice at a fast food resturant. I need to make the wise choice as I drive my SUV. We don't always know which choices are life changing and which are just everyday choices. Here's an example.

Two years ago this week I had to decide how to spend my Saturday. You know the drill; there are always multiple things to eat up a Saturday!!! My mom had been in and out of the hospital since June and was still receiving care in a medical unit attached to the Retirement Community where her apartment was. She asked me to come EVERY SATURDAY, but we were going on four months now and I had to decide whether or not to drive the 2 1/2 hours to visit her for 2 or 3 hours and then drive back home; it would take my whole day.

I made the trip alone and it was a BEAUTIFUL day! She was excited to see me and shared a special request--for a hamburger from Wendy's. Now my mom loves Wendy's (and if you saw her food tray in the medical unit you would know why it would be such a treat!) So we giggled and hatched a plan for her to leave the facility and ride to Wendy's drive through with me. One kind nurse said she would look the other way when we left on our "picnic" and I promised mom would NOT get out of the car.

Such a simple thing. We ate our burgers near the courthouse with the windows of the car rolled down to enjoy the day. She thanked me numerous times. We got back and I pushed her around in the wheelchair to visit the apartment and take care of mail, etc. It was a typical visit in so many ways. We didn't know it was our last visit together on this earth. I said goodbye like I always did and drove home.

Early Monday morning my mom had a massive stroke and never spoke again. I sat by her bed Monday and Tuesday my brother flew in from Kentucky. We were on either side of her on Friday afternoon when she left her earthly body and stepped into eternity. She was not afraid to die and ready to meet Jesus. I still struggled to let her go that day.

For the rest of my life I will be glad that I chose to give her my Saturday. That day, I made the wise choice.

Life-giving words

Who doesn't respond to a sincere affirmation? I do! Today someone said "I'm so proud of you!" Yesterday someone said, "I count you as one of my dearest friends." I feel like I can take on the world now! We all need those words. We can shrink without them--in our own eyes at least.

Here are 10 ways to Build Up A Child from Jody Capehart in her book Touching Hearts Changing Lives

The question for you is :can I challenge myself to affirm my child 5 times a day? 10 times? Do I need to start with 3 sincere times?


1. Express sincere gratitude: "Thank you for helping me!"
2. Encourage the child to share a skill: "Who else could you show how to do that?"
3. Empathize: "I bet it felt great to finish that project!"
4. Identify consequences: "You really helped Mrs. Gardner when you collected the left-over bulletins."
5. Appreciate uniqueness: "I never would have thought about it that way."
6. Applaud effort: "I can see a lot of work went into this project."
7. Emphasize growth: "You are making enormous improvements each week."
8. Encourage elaboration: "Tell me more about what happened."
9. Acknowledge good choices: "I know that was a hard decision."
10. Apply scriptural truths: "You were acting in exactly the way Jesus described when he said, 'Do to others as you want them to do to you'"

I recommit to life-giving words for people God puts in my life!

Is Blogging for ME?

I have been a journaler for many years. YES, it helps me to write out my thoughts, to sift through the first feelings and get down to where I can hear God's still small voice AFTER the storm of emotions subsides. But my journals are private. They chronicle the lessons God has taught me through the years about parenting, growing as a Christian, hard lessons about dependence and independence, grieving, the joys and struggles of marriage, big lessons about simple things.

I put myself OUT THERE for only one reason. I want to encourage parents. I want to see Christian families grow stronger and raise children who will be a generation of BOLD witnesses to the power of God. I want single parents to hang on another day and believe that God is bigger than their biggest problem. I want to encourage spouses not to give up on fractured relationships....yet. I want to shout out that our God does heal, does strengthen, and does have a plan...bigger and better than anything our small minds can imagine.

We can train our minds to think past the immediate, to look down the road, to believe that this moment will pass and our futures will open up to God's vast possibilities. With ourselves and with our children we must think and teach with the end in mind.

I will blog and together we will HOPE, beacuse God is out there....ahead.